zomgsters.

Again, sorry for the lack of update. I'm a lameface.

This weekend was nice...Suze stayed with us Friday, and we ate tasty Mexican food and saw Sarah's amazing play and made tasty cupcakes until 1 AM. Saturday I played in the pep band for the women's basketball game, which was intense (double overtime...we won). I then saw my friends from high school, Ethan and Cameron, and had hug timez because they were at the indoor track invitationals here. Around 6, Schauble and her friend from High Point, Hannah, got to Chapel Hill, at which point we immediately headed to Franklin to see *zomg* Kimya Dawson. I wanted to stay longer, but even for the 20 minutes I was there, she was amazing. She seems so simply and childish but she just writes what she feels and what she wants the world to know and I think that's pretty awesome. I mean she just puts it out there, whether about child molestors or farts or love or anything. Just says it. I want to be her. Then, we ate tasty tasty pizza at Peppers and pretended to be sophisticated artsy kids at Starbucks, but as anyone who doesn't party knows, that's about where the fun ends on Franklin, unless you are vintage shopping or going to Cat's Cradle. But we weren't. We just ended up hanging out in the room and talking and catching up, which was nice and much-needed. Sunday morning we woke up and hit Ye Olde Waffle Shop and Johnny Tshirt (tourists much?! haha) for the benefit of the HPU kids. They left around 3:40, at which point I headed to a Vinyl Records meeting. I'm not going to ramble too much about it, in case I'm not good enough to hire haha, but they have a really awesome program starting for student artists. Verrry promising. Sunday night was spent doing a whole lot of nothing. Kind of like today. Except I did have really good days in both Econ and Art History. I lurrrve Art, it's so interesting to me, unlike...say....Spanish. And of course, Harry Potter trivia night was quite interesting/dorkalicious. Yes please.

I am rather excited about going home this weekend. I feel like it's not being too clingy or whatever to want to go home every couple of weeks, especially with Boy waiting there. He had a dream about me a couple of nights ago in which CH was under attack. We found each other in a record store, professed our undying love, then survived the monster's wrath. In celebration of our survival, we decided to take a road trip to Canadian water park. Yayyy best dream ever. I have decided I really like being dreamed about in these types of dreams, because it's the kind of dream you wake up from and, when you realize you can't just call and see the person, you get really sad and miss them. I am missed. By a wonderful Boy. His subconsious totttally wants me hahahaha. Do you ever wonder how people see you in their dreams? Like was my hair straight or curly? What was I wearing? What did I say? Was I funny or annoying? I'm so strange sometimes.

So, yeah.

...Dizzaym.

So I haven't blogged since the 20th which apparently is a big deal :] So now I is.

At least just to say everything is good and I'm awesome at procrastinating and all of that.

I miss Boy. I woke up from a dream about him this afternoon and it made me really sad because I can't see him for like...at least another week and a half. Damn. I needs a hug and cuddle times and a pretty boy. Mmm.

So yeah, more detailed later.

I'm Alive

So Boy and I just hung out and it was wonderful, like back to normal wonderful. After playing it extremely cool Friday by just being more friendly than more, he asked if I wanted to watch a movie or something, so we did tonight and he was more cuddley and all of that, which was exciting. And now I have to leave again.

Along those lines, I realllly don't want to go back tomorrow, simply because I have a paper that I haven't written and a bunch of homework waiting for my arrival. Ugh. But I do miss roommate <3333

No Snow, Just Rain

So my computer decided today would be a super day to stop working, so I now have a shitty loaner computer to add to my overall shitty day. Well, I shouldn't say that, it was just incredibly lackluster. SUUUPER lame. This morning I had to get up really early, which surprisingly didn't bother me until I sat down in recitation and the biggest headache just goes SHOOOOM and zapped itself right into my brainz. I couldn't think or anything, I just sort of mumbled. But I met a nice kid named Nick. Anyways, then I trekked through the icey rain to Carroll, where I facebooked and talked to mom about the snow I'm not experiencing in Hickory. That really helped my day. Sociology was boring but I wrote to keep myself awake. Lunch was good, Kelsey got her callback, Kristin looked like an adorable French child, etc etc, but I really just felt not myself. Like, out of it I guess. Then English was just boring and my professor is strict and I don't think she likes anyone at all and ughh. Even Bob Dylan Boy was not interesting today. Then I braved the icey air to come back to the room, only to find that once I was back in my room, my computer had died sometime in transit from Carroll to English. So I took that to ITS and they're like "1-2 Business days, battery died, blahblahblah." And now I'm back and nothing is going right and I think I need a nap but I have so much to do and I don't want to do anything except maybe have hug timez with my mom. Yes, it's that kind of day. Actually, hug timez with boy would be wonderful, too. I hadn't realized how much I miss him until today. Maybe knowing that I will see him tomorrow? But I sort of expect nothing but disappointment when I get back because it's complicated and that's annoying. Why can't anyone just be simple? Srsly.

Honest to Blog

So yeah, I realized yesterday that I hadn't blogged since Wednesday, which is slightly sad. Or maybe Thursday? No I'm pretty sure it was Wednesday. Oh well. Either way, not acceptable.

Not a lot has been going on, except I have been pretty social lately, which is makings me happy. Here's the week play-by-play, shortened for your ADD enjoyment.

Thursday: Good classes I suppose. Sociology actually holds my attention and everything really clicks, so hopefully that = A. English may prove to be a beast, because the professor is annoying, but the class itself is pretty cool. It's the only class I have that has a male majority, which kind of puts in that weekly testosterone amount, since my 99% of my friends here are female. Thursday night was my first Wesley experience, which I must say was an extremely positive one. I was pretty nervous because it's never fun to be the new kid in church, but they were all pretty cool and it helped to know at least a few people already. So yeah, that boosted my week, because that means new friends and Jesus timez.

Friday: Again, decent classes considering I have all of two from 8-10, then I'm done. Shitty quiz in Econ (cough70cough) but I'm over it. My awesome friend Alexandra sat with me, which helped things, and now we sit together in Spanish, too. She's pretty laid back, or so it seems, and definitely nice, so she has great friend potential. Friday night I went with Ash, Jess, Maeva, and Jaleesa to see Atonement. At first Maeva was all angry but somehow the depressing movie cheered her up, then Jessica was all sulky. But it's whatevs, we just left her alone. I ended up in Ash's room for like three hours afterwards, just talking with them, which was wonderful. Maeva was telling us about growing up in France and Ash was telling us about her Columbian roots and whatnot. I felt slightly uncultured but then again my family has pretty deep roots in American culture (my greatgrandparents were cotton farmers and my grandma grew up a southern belle in Charleston with military dances and all that), so we talked about that, too. I haven't felt too close to them lately, so bonding time was nice.

Saturday: Kristin and I watched the game at noon, then did absolutely nothing until Kelsey came over, at which point we journeyed to Bandido's. Mmm. After a while there, we headed to the St. A's Word On Your Arm party, which proved to be...interesting. I just wanted to go to check it out, to say I had at least given it a shot. Thankfully I had Kelsey as my soberfriend and we ended up sitting on a couch providing witty, thrilling commentary on the scene unveiling before our innocent little eyes. Kidding, but really it was pretty interesting. My personal favorite couple was Indoor/Outdoor Couple but Gay Boys In Underwear were fun, too. We ended up leaving after an hour and a half or so, but I can at least say I checked it out, now.

Sunday: Slept til forever, then Ye Olde Waffle Shopped with Kelsey and Kristin (K&K). Tasty stuff. After an enormous breakfast, we trekked to Time After Time for wonderful vintage shopping, but they ended up being closed. Fear not though, faithful readers, for we found giant microbes in the comic store that totally made up for a lack of fun clothing. After that adventure, I just chilled alllllll day. It was wonderful.

Today: Not terribly interesting, typical class stuff. And now I'm here, deciding whether or not to the econ study session tonight for extra credit. I have homework and a hall meeting, but I mean I could do that and go. We'll see.

Things with Boy are okay. Not great, not bad. I mean, he's all indecisive and unhappy with his life right now, which is perfectly okay except for the fact that I'm still sort of hanging around, unsure of how to handle it. Like, I want to make him happeh again, and I want him to be like "Oh Jordan I can't function without you okay let's date" but I don't know when that point will be. Like, he says part of the reason he hasn't made it official is because he is afraid of what it will do to whatever we are or were before we started talking and all of that. The thing is, though, if our whateverromance ends right now, it won't be emotion-free in any sense of the word. I will be a little upset, I must say. But I wouldn't be torn apart, and I can't decide if that's because I'm not terribly attached or because I'm overly-guarded. Either way, it sucks, and I don't know how to get out of this stage. Regardless, I will see him Friday, which is definitely exciting to me. Idk about him. But whatever.

So yeah I think maybe it should be homeworks time now.
<3

School Daze

So I realize I have lots to do, but I can't just rant about a breakdown and then leave you, my (two) faithful readers hanging :] Or, you know, when I look back in years I will be like "OMG WHAT HAPPENED?! AM I STILL IN THAT?! OH GOD." You know.

So after my mini-meltdown, I had a really hard time sleeping, but finally it happened and I awoke this morning in a wonderful mood. Why? I dunno. But everything just felt lifted. I like to think it was because I prayed about this semester, for the first time really, and God took care of it. I'm fairly sure that's it. Anyways, today was quite amazing, and I could dance. Maybe I will. Here's a play by play:
Spanish: Wow. Mi professora is insane. Her name is Encarni and she looks like a supermodel. She speaks superfast but I actually understood, surprisingly enough. My class is not terribly exciting, like the people in it are quite average, but I actually made friends. Well, a friend. We ended up talking for a bit about school and home (she's from California, woot) and whatnot, then realized we were walking the same direction due to the fact that...oh hey...we were in the next class together. This being-
Econ: Hmm, not sure what to think yet. The prof is strange but to-the-point and pretty funny. So hopefully it's not too bad. According to my friend Ethan it's a pretty easy course if you do the online crap. So whatevs.
Walking: This is quite strange. First off it's awesome because Kelsey and Hannah are in the same lecture, so I'm sure it will prove to be most exciting. The TA seems super apathetic about the class, plus he's from Canada, so it's a win win there. The actual lecture was pretty stupid because it was the same shit we've heard since, oh, birth. I did my typical Jordan deal and muttered sarcastic remarks under my breath, much to the amusement of the guy beside me, and got through it awake.
I then had lunch with Hannah, which was quite lovely.
Finally, I went to art history, which was pretty entertaining. Kasey and Amanda are in my class, which means I don't have to awkwardly sit, waiting for someone to sit next to me and make things even more awkward. The professor is pretty...stereotypical. She was very strange looking with a dress and silver crocodile boots and a librarian/curator bun. Ohhh geez.

Either way I iz happy girl again. :] Doesn't take much, does it?

...Damn.

I don't know what is wrong with me. Well, I do, but more on that when I'm not having a breakdown. Which brings me to my next point- I think I'm having a mini breakdown. I'm famous for having them at the most random times, and from last night to tonight is one of those. I am freaking out for no reason, about school and missing home and missing Boy and what Boy thinks of me and not fitting in and it's ridiculous because I am smart and boy likes me and I love my friends and school is okay, but my brain is caving in. Or shrinking. I can't think, I can't function, I can't have a single happy thought right now. What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm Alive

So I just returned from seeing Juno for the third time in three days. It's my new all-time favorite. Like, everytime I go I find more and more things to love about it. More quirks and funny lines and even just expressions that are amazing. Pre-Juno, I had lunch with the female half of Nerd Crew, which is always really nice. I feel...understood. I have realized though that no matter who click with, there is always a part left hanging out, a part that doesn't match. Like, with them it's my penchant for punk-esque culture and my love of live shows and mosh pits and screaming songs and whatnot. With Eric and the rest of Pitched White it's my cutesy "OMG HELLO KITTY AND CUTE CLOTHES" side, which comes out quite often I've found. With church friends it's my nerdy-ness, etc etc. I just think that that's why I get frustrated with not having a "best friend", because I have so many parts to me. But I think everyone does, and not everyone has trouble sticking with a few close friends. Either way, I think I need to not worry about those silly things so much.

In other news, tomorrow is my last day at home. I am excited and dreading it at the same time. I don't want to leave Boy but mostly I don't want to leave my confidence behind. I did that first semester, I left the awesome part of me in Hickory and this time, it's coming along. I could care less how un-Chapel Hill I look, or how intelligent everyone else is, or how sometimes I eat alone and walk with my iPod in just because I feel anti-social. I don't care. I want to take the part of me that knows who she is, who is excited about who she is. Yep. It's gonna be super.

:]

I Stand Resolute.

Delayed New Years resolutions:

1) Be my strange self, don't water it down
2) LIVE. Take at least five risks (label them in blog)
3) Meet wonderful people, they are nice to have around

Words spring to life

A poem I wrote forever ago. Well, really two poems that I just now decided I liked and should combine. Yeah.

Play.
Black and white memories flicker
Inconsequential, passing time.
Enter a boy, bursting with color
A vibrant flood of hues lights up
the once-dull scene.
Cue music, slow motion-
my smile, your gaze
Clear against a blur of details.
Black and white
Turned blues and golds
How is it that your touch
breathes color?
I see you smile,
You look away-
back to black.

Lonely Lonely Lonely Lonely Day

I just had the horrible realization that I have been single for an entire year. Well, "officially" single, obviously not alone (as of late). Ughh. An entire year! 365 days of singlehood! I mean I guess it's okay, because I've been free to do whatever, but it's still sad.

Maybe this is growing up, due to the fact that I haven't just settled?

Yeah.

Either way, BOY! is still here and that's wonderful.