Come together, right now

Okay so I'm super sleepy and I have SO much to say about Boston but that will have to wait.  Tonight is merely a rant.

So over the past week I've found this really awesome sense of self-worth and like...I dunno...respect for myself.  Or something like that.  And it's not because I had an amazing spiritual transformation or anything like that, though the lessons were great, it was because I met so many strong people this week and got closer to a lot of people in my own group.  Like, I know that I am worthy of being loved because I have people that love me.  You know?  Like I don't have to settle, because I deserve to be around people who value me and whom I value in return.  Makes sense, right?

Well this didn't hit me until tonight, as I got in my car to leave from a bonfire with Nick, Marty, Bailey, Jbob, Daniel, and Jake (who is home from the Navy for a week).  Not to specifically name names here but a few of these people are the most insensitive, arrogant, degrading, rude people I have ever met.  Now, it's funny when it's not aimed at you, sure, but when you really think about it it's the saddest thing in the world.  They have to make others feel like they are worthless just so they can feel like they are worth anything at all.  What the fuck?  How does making fun of people 90% of the time you're talking to them constitute friendship at all?  What is that contributing to the world?  Nothing but negativity.

In the real world, the only things we have to depend on are God and each other and when we can't support one another, bad things happen.  I figured out this week that support and love and trust in a group are very possible things to have, and I refuse to accept anything less from the people in my life.

What am I going to do?

We've got a timebomb, na na na na

#1) I am single again! Woot! Sam and I realized the distance would never really lessen, even after he gets back, because then I'll turn right around and leave for school

#2) Jake wants to start an indie/garage band and that sounds fabbb. I want to be the cool hipster bassgirl.

#3) I spend a LOT of time with the guys these days. They are fun.

#4) Just got in from Chicago/Milwaukee Saturday and I found SO much music that I love. Also the trip was amazing. Here's my playlist, fyi:

1. Chicago - Sufjan Stevens
2. A-Punk - Vampire Weekend
3. I Found Away - Alkaline Trio
4. The Weight - The Band
5. One Headlight - The Wallflowers
6. Damelo - Juanes
7. Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms
8. Love Love, Kiss Kiss - Alkaline Trio
9. Will It Grow - Jakob Dylan
10. Rebellion (Lies) - The Arcade Fire
11. Shut Up and Let Me Go - The Ting Tings
12. Summertime - Scarlett Johansson
13. Seventeen - Ladytron
14. Suenos - Juanes
15. Sleepwalking - American Minor
16. Rich Girls - The Virgins
17. Timebomb - Beck
18. Rainbows in the Dark - Tilly & the Wall
19. Walking With a Ghost - Tegan & Sara
20. Walking With a Ghost - The White Stripes
21. I Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry (arghh guilty pleasure)

Listmaking!

Things that make me happy as of late:

• Lost (Season 3!)
• Benji Hughes
• Mocha Light Fraps at Starbucks
• Banana Chips
• The Rainbows I purchased an hour ago (Sellout, I know)
• Talking to Sam late at night
• Kinky (I swear it's not porn--it's a pretty amazing band)
• Weeds (New season!)
• Forgetting Sarah Marshall
• Ungodly amounts of Tetris-playing
• The promise of going to Summerfest in a few weeks
• Diet Dr. Pepper
• Whiskeytown
• "Stop Dragging My Heart Around" as performed by Rilo Kiley, Gillian Welch, and David Rawlings (Such a great show)
• The $2 Theater
• Bonfires with friends
• The fact that I am going horseback riding Sunday
• The pretty boy in my Sunday School class who is nice to me
• Hearing dramatic stories from senior week (like the Real World but...realer)
• Boston in July!
• Getting into "Regional Sociology of the South" 

Mmm :]

AIM Conversation

Funniest conversation I have had in a while-- Jbobthechink is Bobby and obviously I am the other one, and we were talking about how sick we are of Nick bitching about being dumped.  So yeah.

Jbobthechink: I just wonder what kind of state that would put Nick into.

x jj like whoa x: hahahaha guess we'll find out tomorrow when all he does is bitch and moan

Jbobthechink: I really wish you had something to record all this whining.  That way we could put it to a dance track and remix it into something good to listen to

x jj like whoa x: OH MY GOD best idea ever

Jbobthechink: *drum beat* I miss her *boom boom boom* I miss miss miss her...etc.

x jj like whoa x: Do you think she wants me back (back) back (bbbback)

Jbobthechink: Ravewhining

x jj like whoa x: it's beautiful

x jj like whoa x: ahhh i got it - RantRave

Worst. Offspring. Ever.

So I'm at work, designing a newsletter for the Children's Advocacy Center, and I need a graphic with the logo on it. Being the resourceful worker I am, I go to their site, only to find something very mediocre. My first thought was, "Hmm, I need to tell mom she could have a new client because they definitely need an upgrade." I scrolled to the bottom of the page, in an attempt to find the designer's name, so I can relay this information to her and -- OMG -- she designed it. I am officially the worst daughter in the whole world. Ever. It's not really her fault that it's bad, it's just the color scheme is all off and it doesn't look professional, and the pictures are all very harsh and taken at weird angles. So yeah, I don't think I will mention her potential new client to her, on account of the fact that the firm who designed it in the first place would probably get really hurt and not speak to me for a while.

I feel bad.

But my newsletter is pretty freaking amazing, so that's one good thing.

Interntimes

So I'm finishing up my first day at my internship...it's pretty exciting mostly because I get an office all to myself, not to mention a sweet badge with the ever-so-official title "Journalism Intern" emblazened upon it. Wooo. But now I'm terribly bored because I just finished reading a book with a ridiculous amount of press releases in it and I have nothing to do for the next eight minutes. I would leave but the cool universal away-message type program they use here says Valerie, the HNIC of the admin dept (hahaha yes i did just use HNIC in reference to a job in which I have an office) and my supervisor, is out to lunch, so I can't return her superheavy book o' press releases. So yeah. She best be back by 1, otherwise I'm leaving her stuff near her door and heading out.

The end!

Weird Moods

Also, I have the strangest moods. Most people are happy or sad or tired or whatever, no no mine are so strange.

Earlier this evening I had the overwhelming urge to just lay on my floor and stare at the ceiling in silence, just thinking, appreciating the moment. So I did. Like I didn't think about anything except being there on the floor, alone in my house, at home, not at school, not anywhere else. Exactly where I wanted to be in that moment.

And from like 9 til now tonight, all I've wanted to do was lie close to someone and talk about life and listen to music. Like not cuddle necessarily but just be close to someone who would appreciate the moment as much as I would.

What is up with me?

Music ramblings

So I know I blog a lot about music lately, instead of my personal life, but whatever it's my blog. Haha. Either way I had this cool realization driving home tongiht...

There are exactly two bands in the entire world that instantly make me feel safe and comforted, like I am home. Both Brand New and Alkaline Trio immediately just take me to this place and I don't know how to explain it, but a few stories kind of explain it.

First, when I was at the Brand New show last November, I just looked at Jesse (the frontman) and couldn't stop thinking about how he had written all the lyrics that were forever engrained in my mind, that got me through high school and now college and just life in general. Just seeing him in person and knowing they came from his mind, it was incredible. I want someone to look at me that way sometime. So yeah, any Brand New song I hear just hits home, every time.

Second, I was listening to Say Anything, a new favorite band of mine, and heard a song entitled "About Falling." After the random guitar solo, a voice came in and immediately I knew who it was--Matt Skiba of Alkaline Trio. Then I couldnt stop listening to it, I just put it on repeat. His voice, though usually singing about violent things and love gone wrong, is just uplifting to me.

I sound so dorky. My bad.

Still

So I found a journal from last summer's Jesus Camp and in it was this poem, so yeah.

Still.
No flickering memories
No to-do's
No inner monologue.
Just
you.
Still.
I find peace
I find comfort
I find refuge.
You
and I,
Still.

This has been my downfall as of late, I don't stop.

So Contagious - Acceptance

Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously

Musicology.

Okay so I've just realized/affirmed I have seasonal music tastes. So now I feel compelled to describe/document them.

Spring: Indie-esque, light with maybe a hint of country twang. Something about the idea of lying in the grass, feeling the air change from frigid to toasty makes me crave home, hence the mildly folksy influence.
Examples (of past years and as of late):

• Same In Any Language- I Nine
• Don't I Hold You - Wheat
• Wagon Wheel - Old Crow Medicine Show
• Don't Feel Like Dancing - Scissor Sisters
• In This Life - Chantal Kreviazuk
• Upside Down - Jack Johnson
• Dry the Rain - The Beta Band
• Like a Rolling Stone - Bob Dylan

Summer: Happy pop-punk, unquestionably. Anything with driving power chords, a good backbeat, and catchy lyrics pretty much have me hooked. But for summer nights, I tend to go for acoustic, light stuff.

• Island in the Sun - Weezer
• Smoothie King - Bowling for Soup
• Sally - Hot Vegas
• New American Classic - Taking Back Sunday
• Chapstick, Chapped Lips, and Things Like Chemistry - Relient K
• About Falling - Say Anything
• Say Anything - Cartel (ha weird)
• The Ponytail Parade - Emery
• Let It Out - The Hombres
• We Intertwined - The Hush Sound
• Diamonds and Guns - The Transplants
• I Will Follow You Into the Dark - Death Cab for Cutie

Fall: Chill, pensive music for the changing weather. Definitely acoustic, for the most part. But then I also have this weird hardcore streak where I want all my music to be violent as well, so who knows. Probably something to do with school being in session again haha.

• A Lack of Color - Death Cab for Cutie
• Strawberry Fields Forever - The Beatles
• Okay I Believe You But My Tommy Gun Don't - Brand New
• The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice
• The World at Large - Modest Mouse
• Wrecking Hotel Rooms - MxPx
• Every Thug Needs a Lady - Alkaline Trio
• Donner Party (All Night) - Alkaline Trio
• Play Crack the Sky - Brand New

Winter: Winter is the strange one, I'm not entirely sure what I listen to in winter. It varies from one year to the next, like the Go Fish of musical selection. Anyways, here are some from years past, maybe you can make more sense of it.

• Almost Easy - Avenged Sevenfold
• Goodbye Blues - Tyler Burkum
• Tire Swing - Kimya Dawson
• Soul to Squeeze - Red Hot Chili Peppers
• All of Your Love - HelloGoodbye

So yeah anyways, that was really long. But fulfulling.

Ramblingzzz.

So, I am ridiculously happy and relaxed, considering it is Tuesday of the week my HUGEOMGOMG paper is due, which is the week before my other huge paper and speech are due. And two weeks before exams. Oh geez cross out the relaxed. Okay I will, hang on. Just kidding you can't with this program. Whatever.

Wow I have absolutely nothing to discuss here. Also, I'm a tiny bit ADD right now.

Boy and I are offically through, except I dunno if he knows that yet. But we are. He decided to not go to college after he was accepted to App and after he knew he could get scholarship money and all of that. Why? Because he's moving into a house to be in a band that most likely, after a year or so, will not be that big of a deal. And that's when I realized, he can't commit to anything. Not college, not one band, not me, not even his friends. And I'm not even saying I want commitment right now, just...something kind of stable-ish. More than anything, though, I want to not have to wonder how he feels all the time, because that's just dumb. If he cared at all, he would tell me. And honestly, if he asked me, I could proudly say I have no feelings for him. I mean I'll be his friend, but other than that...just no.

So yeah now it's bedtimez.
:]

Almost Lover

So last night's church lock-in was probably the best night I've had in a while, just because it felt SO much like old times. I haven't talked to Jake much since the whole thing with Eric, because I was working on moving on from the whatever relationship we had going on. Since I don't think I've discussed this before on the blog, here's a tiny background:

Jake and I have gone to church together for forever and in our junior year, became really good friends through a mutual lovelovelove of music and good movies and other random things. But mostly music. So we got closer and closer that year, especially during the trips to Canada, the beach, and to ski, and we shared a common "Isle of Cool," which included Jake, Colby, and I, plus Patrick eventually. By the time we went to DC last summer, we were what most would call inseperable on trips (come to find out people (since the original bonding junior year) had literally been betting on when we would date). I sort of got caught up in everything and fell for him pretty hard, but Jake is a strange character. He doesn't show emotion, like, ever, which is okay sometimes because whiney boys are not terribly attractive to me, but then it just gets overwhelming when he NEVER answers anything seriously. Anyways, on the DC trip we got really really close and throughout the trip (and the subsequent hangouts) he was hardcore flirting with me, which is disturbing because he doesn't do stuff like that, so like an idiot I got my hopes up. But then Jesus Camp came around and he acted like the whole summer had never happened. I couldn't get the visual of us sitting close on the bus listening to any one of our many, many signature Jake/Jordan songs out of my head for months and he completely ignored me for the most part. So I kept talking to him until about November, when Eric happened, and since then I've seen him a couple times at church and stuff, but I haven't talked to him on a weekly basis by any stretch. Okay that wasn't a tiny history, sorry, but you now know the whole story. Kind of. Anyways, moving on.

I asked Jake to go last night and, after much prodding, he agreed, so I was kind of curious as to how it would be with us-- same as always? different because we hadn't talked? idk. So I went and immediately realized nottttthing had changed. We sat together on the bus and he was back to his usual anti-Jordan talk that really means he thinks I am awesome. Also we were remembering all the times he had been really super mean to me and he remembered far more than I did, including the bus-to-DC body checking (hockey reference), which is a very very obvious attempt to get closer to me. I remember this summer, he pinned me against the window at least 10 times and got really close and I pretended to hate it but instead loveloveloved it...but I digress. Anyways, he started that up again which was funny, and we hung out pretty much the whole time at the gymnastics place and while bowling. I'd forgotten how funny he is and often we dance and how confident I feel around him...strange. Then after said bowling trip, we headed back to the church and had a little free time, so we jammed--Jake on acoustic guitar and me on acoustic bass. He taught me "House of the Rising Sun" and we played the entiiire thing (and it's super long). Seth and Wilson looked over at us, smiling and Wilson was like, "Wow, you guys are exactly like those kids from Juno. Only Jordan's not pregnant." Hahahaha. But anyways I took that as a compliment, because the Juno/Bleaker romance is one to be admired, and apparently we are a lot like that. Now that I think of it we kind of are, only he is way more sarcastic than Bleaker...and I'm not preggerrrrs. But anyways I kept seeing people look at us and kind of say something to the person beside them and I couldn't help but feel like they were telling them the Epic of Jordan and Jake, about how everyone knew we should date except us or whatever. Maybe they weren't, but it DEFINITELY looked that way. Post-jam session (I also jammed with a 15 year old kid who knew sooo many of the songs I knew...weird), we played games and watched Drop Dead Gorgeous/Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

The moral of the story? I do not, in fact, want to date Jake. This may seem strange after all this talk of he and I, but I've realized it is so much better with us just going back and forth, trying to catch the other's interest, kidding around. That's the reason it's gone on so long-- it's so entertaining, it's addicting. So yeah, I will never date Jake, but it is rather fun trying to win his affection. I'm so lame.

Also, I left out a lot of the good stuff about how I bonded with Seth, Wilson, and this random kid who I think called himself Rocket. Wtf? Whatevs, he was nice and he kept following me around. So yeah I got more accomplished at the lock-in than flirtage, but a girl's gotta have blog priorities :) And today James and I hung out, making me remember why we are such great friends. He is crrrazy. The yin to my yang.

I need more than two hours of sleep. Also- GO HEELS.

Totally pointless

Okay so I have nothing to blog about but since I haven't even attempted for a while, I suppose I should. Umm, yeah.

So my sleep patterns have been messed up lately by intruiging conversation, and while I neeeeed sleep, I think it's worth it. Also, found lots of new bands lately! Amazingamazing.

In other news, talked to boy a little more lately I guess, still nowhere near as much as we've talked in the past few months, but whatever. Its not intentional on either end, I think, we are just busy/ADD/whatever and honestly I was/am just bored. I don't want to talk about Gates of Assyria or the free candy you got because you found a sweet vending machine in the mall. Really, I don't. Let's talk about something substantial, plz? Ahhh.

Yeah honestly I have nothing to blog about. I should read for sociology. Since it's offically my second major.

Procrastinaaaation

Why is blogging always procrastination for me? Geez. So accessible, so fun, so easy. It's too bad I really have nothing to talk about. Maybe if I blog about what I'm supposed to be writing about, it won't seem like work. But then who wants to read a blog about the electoral college? None of my friends, that's for sure. At least...I don't think so. If you are reading this and are sad it is, in fact, NOT about the electoral college, please leave immediately. Thanks.

I just got my sociology project 3 sheet via email and OMG it is a paper that requires people-watching research. Hello perfection, nice to meet you. We have to go to one high-end store and one low-end store and observe parent-child combos in each, to compare and contrast parenting styles among the classes. I think I will hit up Wally World and...okay I don't really go to any high end stores, at least not to people watch. I will think of something.

In other recent news, Kristin and I are now Molly and Sarah and we have a secret with the housing man. Yes.

No Place Like Home

I am in the MOST amazing mood. I think it's the fact that this weekend was really nice and laid back and the fact that the ride home was quite enjoyable/productive. First, I studied Econ for like an hour because I have a huge exam tomorrow and that was pretty much necessary. Then I slept for thirty minutes or so, which I consider productive because I'm, um, in college. Finally I listened to music that makes me SOOO happy. I'm not sure what it is about this certain genre that just feels like home and feels freeing, but it pretty much consists of the entire Elizabethtown soundtrack (all three of them) and the newest addition, "Wagon Wheel" (both the original by Old Crow Medicine Show and the cover by Against Me!, they are both great in their own ways). I can't describe the feeling I get when I listen to this stuff but it honestly feels like home and I can think without worrying and it's just wonderful.

In the midst of this musically-inspired thinking, I realized that I want to live in a smallish town when I grow up, as long as I can travel. I want to live at the beach, preferably Beaufort or somewhere equally small and quiet, in a house with a wraparound porch on which I can play guitar with my husband (assuming I eventually find one of those) and feel the ocean breeze. That's my new dream.

Also, I realized that I survived winter. It's always the most difficult time of the year for me and I did it :] All that lies ahead of me is beautiful spring and summer.

This Time Around

On the way home, I experienced the most perfect flow of songs on a mix ever, and then I remembered it was an accident because I needed to fill out a cd and added some stuff on the end randomly. What a wonderful accident, it was like it perfectly flowed with my brain pattern. From catchy but chill to happy to thoughtful to really chill to trancey thinking music. The epic list was as follows:
Winding Road - Bonnie Somerville
New Soul - Yael Niam
Pride (In the Name of Love) - U2
Red Right Ankle - The Decembrists (thanks kbear)
This Time Around - Helen Stellar

Weird right? Yes, weird. Which leads me to my first and really only point: music is the fuel in my life. Like, nothing would be much to me if it weren't for music. It connects everything in my life together with this weird glue of notes and pitch and rhythm.

Also in quasi-deep thinking, I've realized something important this weekend: some people really do have something more going on below the surface, something more to talk about than dumb jokes and something more to impress people with than the amount of alcohol they drank or how many girls they've hit on in the past month. Something MORE. I needed to know this fact, and now I do. My expectations have risen--I know this makes no sense to anyone but me, but I need to put it out there.

The end :]

Just a note

So I was sitting here feeling bad for myself and feeling quasi-lonely when my mom IMs just to say goodnight and proceeds to tell me how much I mean to her and that I am the light of her life. Can I just say I have the best mom in the entire world? And dad too. And brother. They make my life complete, and I can honestly say I could get by in the world without any materials things, as long as they were by my side (and the big guy upstairs, who I should take this opportunity to thank). So note to self next time I feel lonely: Call mom.

Vampires Are Teen Idols

So tonight was pretty great...full of music and friends. The first show was in GF and a bunch of hardcore bands played and all but one completely sucked. Like completely. And most of the people there were no over the age of 15, which just made me feel super mature/original. Everyone there looked the same and I can honestly say I stood out in my jeans and cardigan and not-quite-vintage Schoolkids shirt that will-be-vintage someday. It felt good to know that I had outgrown the whole scene. I ended up hanging out with lots of people including but not limited to (I swear this is posterity, not to make myself look cool) Eric, Jbob, Panda, Byrd, Lorin, Isaac, Jamie, Ethan, Tom, ex-bf Greg, his friends Justin and Andrew, Mitchell, and Kyle. It was pretty sweet, because there is nothing like a small town to make you feel important. I got lots of hugs, too. And pushed in a hardcore fight. Sweet!

Then Eric, Bobby, and I went to the Dana and the Robots show in Hickory, which could have been disasterous seeing as how both of them like metal-esque music and D&tR are like chill, alt-country, indieish, but they actually liked it. But yeah since Aaron thinks I'm awesome (Kbear, he's the one that got a girlfriend the night we were supposed to hang out, for future reference haha :]) we talked before the show and it wasn't awkward at alll, which was surprising. As Dana was setting up, he just talked to us and it was casual and whatnot, then during the show he kept asking me how it sounded and stuff lol...it is so nice to have friends in bands, it makes me feel lurved/important. So yeah, good show.

Just for fun, here's the links to two of the bands tonight, so you get a good idea of the contrast.
http://www.myspace.com/gatesofassyria
http://www.myspace.com/danaandtherobots

And that was my night :]

Spring Awakening

So Spring Break has been really super so far, except for the fact that I feel sick-ish currently and think I am going to bed early. Yeah. I'm a real party animal.

Friday was cool, spent 90% of my waking time with Boy, which is always welcome. Went to dinner with my parents, which was slightly scary, but it went really well. My dad is probably the funniest person I know, without even trying. Boy & I then saw our common friends Robert and Patrick, which was really fun, especially when Patrick gave me the master of all bear hugs and wouldn't put me down. Hahaha I think he's missed me. They all wanted me to go to Appalachian with them, just to drive, but a) it was rainy/icy and b) I was tired of driving/riding. So yeah.

Saturday was pretty great as well. I got up realllly early to help out/schmooze at dad's Kiwannis pancake breakfast, which has become an annual tradition now. I didn't even get volunteer credit this year, but I got up at 7:30 regardless, so I earned my karmapoints. Talked to a lot of different Hickory elite, including an economics professor (who tried to comfort me by saying 101 was definitely not an easy thing to understand) and my own youth leader, who proceeded to tell me about how great Spring Awakening was (though terribly awkward at some points). Some of my old band friends and I met at Granite Falls quasi-mexican staple Pancho Villa for lunch, which was awesome since I hadn't seen or talked to most of them since at least before Christmas. I was really surprised how much like old times it was--it was both comforting and amusing, since college is supposed to be a huge time of change and whatnot. After talking for 2 hours at Pancho, we decided we needed even more bonding so we agreed to meet at Sonic, then go bowling that night. Yayyy it was amazing. My bowling game--not so much. Here I witnessed 1) Jeremy's break dance moves he picked up from State 2) UNC's victory over Duke (Nick's reaction: "Jordan, I never thought I'd see you this into sports. Wow.") and 3) the lowest bowling score evvvver.

Sunday I went to church, then made a much-needed Target and Best Buy run. Followed this up with some more Jesus timez and then Boy timez. Not terribly exciting, but nice regardless. Cuddling is my favie.

And finally, today was fairly laid back/nice. I slept in for the first time in a while, had lunch with parents, and went to Jay's track meet. EJ met me at the meet which was excellent because I was craving good, sarcastic/intelligent discussion and she's ALWAYS the right person for that. She introduced me to perhaps the most interesting event of the day: The prospect of going to Peru in August to help establish a sustainable community in the Andes. Whoa, right? I could totally change the world. And flex my Spanish skillz. My mom's kind of resistant (meaning "ABSOLUTELY NOT" is her answer), but she'll come around. PERU! Also, saw my lovely friends Mary and Sarah and had a hug fest/ dance party. And now it's sleep timez.

Ohhh, so after watching High Fidelity again Saturday, I decided to make what I am now dubbing my "Audiobiographical Mix", which is basically a mixtape/scrapbook of my entire high school career. I have 84 tracks that were highly influential to my life during those four years. It is without a doubt the coolest thing I've done in a while.

Gnight

Why do people suck?

So I just read where Fred Phelps and the WBC are protesting Eve's funeral today. That makes me physically sick, thinking about all her family has gone through and what a wonderful person she was. She did NOTHING at all to deserve this, yet Fred Phelps will be there saying she is burning in hell and he's happy for it, because America is doomed.

Dear Fred Phelps,
I sincerely hope you burn in hell for all of eternity for what you've done and are doing. You are an abomination.
Love, Jordan.

500 Miles

So when Boy picked me up today from CH he made a mix for ride home and wouldn't tell me his first song that was cheesy/applicable. Hahaha it was so perfect. Oh yes kids, it was in fact:

When I'm lonely yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man whose lonely without you
When I'm dreaming yes I know I'm gonna dream
Dream about the time when I'm with you.
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

Awwwww :]

I'm a dork

Okay so, because I'm super lame and read too much into things, I must post this for posterity. You know the chain bulletin going around on myspace where you write 15 things to 15 people but don't include names? But everyone knows who you are talking about, especially if it's you? Okay well Eric did that. And I am thinking this is the one for me, since a)he seems to be more serious about things lately and b)it really makes sense.

2. Wow. You are the most amazing person I've ever met. You are amazing in every way and make life amazing. I am waiting and I hope you understand and can wait with me. I have reasons :)

In the spirit of sociology, here are some observations/reactions:
a) He really loves the word amazing. Reaction: Note to self, include synonyms for amazing in casual conversation and emphasize greatly.
b) HE LIKES ME, HE REALLY LIKES ME. Reaction: FJAKDFKSDMFAF. He thinks I'm amazing. What?!
c) He has reasons for not making this official, which I will hopefully understand soon. Reaction: Just tell me plz? I will wait but my curiousity kills.

My response via my own "15 things"
13) There is so much I want to tell you here, but honestly I think you should hear them in person, so I'll wait. Trust me when I say I'll be here, however long it takes. Thank you for making me ridiculously happy :]

Disturbing news/realization of the day

Okay so I have just made a terrifying realization. I just spent two hours reading books on Internet Culture for my English paper and I physically had to pull myself away from them to actually do this assignment. Let me repeat that for posterity's sake: I was thoroughly engaged in academic essays for two hours. Oh my god. Also, within these essays aspects from both sociology and econ (which I caught!), meaning I at least quasi-understand the things I've learned in those classes. Ahhh.

My true realization is that I am completely and utterly a college kid now. With everything I read or everything I hear I have a million different questions as far as its truth, its background, legitimacy, etc etc, which I believe is the ultimate purpose of college, or at least the general college. I truly want to know why things are the way they are and how they got that way and, most importantly, how people feel about the way they are. I want to explore lots of topics and be well-versed in every subject. This is so strange to me. Caldwell County provided me only with a bunch of facts and said "Hey! Have at it!" but here, I am wondering. Yes, wondering.

Wondering is wonderful.

Mini Road Trip?

kfksadnfskdnf Boy switched shifts Friday just to come pick me upppppp :] YAYYYYYY HAPPY YAYYYYYY!

Academiaaaa

Something about academic excellence just makes school sooooo much better. Mmmm. The only bad thing is-- I now have to write a beast of an art paper, since I can't drop it. Grrreat. But whatevs, I am not a total failure!

Just a note

"Don't let anyone tell you differently: The only good thing about Duke is that it's 15 minutes from Chapel Hill."-Tucker Max

What a smart, smart man. Don't know Tucker yet? www.tuckermax.com should enlighten you.

Neon Wilderness

Dear Larkin,
Since I am allowing you access to my blog in exchange for your journal (which no doubt is more honest and heartfelt, but I think that just says a lot about your personality vs. mine), I thought I'd just put this as a precursor for your reading: you can't take anything I write here superseriously. I mean it's serious but these are the mountains and valleys, you know? Usually you get the watered down versions of whatever I go through and experience, but this is straight up how I feel when I'm feeling it. So yeah.

PS- Your journal was probably the best thing ever, to read. Both amusing and full of emotion and honesty and funny sidenotes. You are much better at journaling than I am and you just started Sunday. Jerk. Anytime I am having a bad day, that's where I'm turning. Thanks :]
PPS- That was not a mindgame.

...what?

It's really strange...after spending all weekend with Boy, I woke up this morning feeling strangely incomplete. Like, there was something missing and I couldn't fix it. Weird. And frustrating.

Best. Weekend. Ever.

I am happy. School work is a cesspool of average grades right now, but I honestly could care less because I am happy. This most likely has something to do with seeing four of the greatest comics of our era in one show last night and laughing my ass off. But mostly it's the fact that from 2 AM-11:30 AM I was lying in the arms of a certain wonderful Boy who gives me butterflies and looks at me and smiles and plays guitar just for me and strokes my hair when I can't fall asleep and who imagines, even though we're in a dorm room on the first floor in a bed big enough for .75 of a real person, that we are stargazing under an enormous blanket of stars. Mmmm. Best night ever, no question. Also, he was going to go to Brevard tonight to visit our friend Phil (who is kind of a douchetool now and deals drugs, but whatevs), so I left his house at 11, then I got home and he called and he was like "Yeah so I decided not to go after all, because I would much rather hang out with you. Can you come back over?" hahah <3 Yayyy. Right now he's like "I mean I can't believe we saw Ron Burgandy in front of our faces! And the show was just half of the amazingness!" :]

In other news- my Kristinbear is a trooper for little kids! Yayyyy Kristinbear <3

I'm Still Discontented Down Here

I am not going to write much, due to the fact that I am so tired I may in fact pass out in the process of writing this, but I guess I need to vent/ramble.

I feel like, lately, nothing is a perfect fit. At school, I miss home like crazy. At home, I miss school. Well that's not true, I miss school friends. Either way home is not exactly right either. I guess it occured to me while watching Garden State with Boy, when Zach Braff's character talks about how everyone is homesick for an imaginary place. It's so true. I mean when I'm at school, I think of home as being wonderful and simple and everything I need, but in reality it's very average and, though I love seeing my family, I am not completely happy. At home, I see school as this place of discovery, of being a college kid, of experiencing new and different things, when really all I am is trapped in my room, stressing over things that, this time next year, won't even matter. I hate it. I hate not being content with anywhere. It's not fair that I don't ever feel completely comfortable. I was so excited, last year, to go to college and not be trapped in Hickory, to be able to hang out with people whenever and wherever I wanted, to be responsible for myself, to find culture and excitement that Hickory is sorely lacking. Instead I see the same places everyday, see the same people (not friends, that's always welcome, but strangers) with the same clothes and the same opinions everyday, and I feel the same overwhelming feeling of discontent every morning when I wake up and realize it's just another day exactly like yesterday, where I go through the motions and do my best to get by. I don't want that.

Then again, who really knows what they want?

Sorry for my bad mood. These things happen.

This Valentine's Day I love

my sociology professor for cancelling class. So, here we have it:

Dear Mike(y),
You are currently my Valentine for saving me from your terribly boring 1.5 hour class. Though you provided no explanation in your email as to why you did not want to see my lovely face today, I am sure it is because you wanted me to be happy today. And because of you, I am. Also because I'm going to see stand up tonight. And because Lewis Black will be here today, tomorrow, and Saturday. And because I'm going to Franklin after English today. And because I finished my 1661 word English paper last night and think I might have pwned it. But mostly, Mikey, it's all because of you.
Love, Jordan

Sadly, though, I simply cannot love everyone today. My PTNL (People to not love) list is currently as follows:
Da Vinci, Georgionne, Titian, or any other Renaissance painter that I have had to read about for the past hour and a half. You were good, but not that good.
Adam Smith for founding economics
Al Gore for inventing global warming (which apparently is a good paper topic)
Lifetime Fitness for giving an exam Monday. So what if I don't know what kind of muscular injuries can occur after rigorous activity? I know that if you eat too much and don't excercise you will not be healthy. What more do you want from me?

I think that's all for now.
Yes, that's all.
♥

Shoe Collections. Yeah.

Upon request, a documentation of my Converse collection, for Kbear:
Black high top
Black low top
Navy high top
Denim high top
Red low top
Pink low top
Royal blue low top
Gray low top
Gray with pink One Stars
Green fake chucks

and in addition, my growing Vans collection:
Black
Blue & green polka dots
Black & white stripes
Carolina blue & white trippy pattern
Green & tan argyle (fake)
Black & red (fake)

Get Wasted on Love

It's 11:11! I have caught 11:11 SO many times in the last two weeks. For three days I caught every single 11:11, which was borderline scary, because that's a lot of wishes. It was always the same wish, though, so maybe it's just super effective. Yes. That's it.

Boy has been pretty boyfriendly lately, which makes meh happy. I mean, he has always been slightly boyfriendly, but its the way he says things now, and the way he asks what time classes are over and the way he myspace messages me when we can't talk at night and most importantly the way he was really disappointed yesterday when he realized Thursday was Valentines Day and I wouldn't be home until Friday. I mean, if he just saw us as slightly more than friends, I don't think he would've acknowledged it as clearly as he did. So yay. We've decided to make our own holiday on Friday though, because we're way too awesome for just regular ole Valentines Day.

I actually hate Valentines Day, and I think this girl from band, Lizi, hit the nail on the head with her post the other day. Valentines Day makes romantic love seem like the only valuable love out there, when the love of family and friends and (most importantly) God is so much more long-lasting and so much more valuable in the long run. Boyfriends will pass with time, at our age anyways, but the other loving people in our lives will most likely be there forever. It's something to think about, anyway.

So now its time for my weekly do nothing day of Freakonomics and sleep. YAY!

Screw clear, scientific writing. I want to ramble.

I have the strangest craving to go home, and not because classes are overwhelming (they are) and not because this campus gets so old so fast (it does) and not because I want to see Boy (I do), but just to drive. Like, with no real purpose, though when I'm home I typically blame it on an intense craving for Sonic or a sudden urge to take pictures. I just like to drive and think and sing and I miss it. Also, because it's so Spring-like and wonderful outside, I really want to go down to the lake. Only, there is no lake. Only the Dean Dome. I guess I never really acknowledge my love of nature and being alone and just being creative before I came to school. There is no nature unless you're on the quad and there are like 59834759345 other people out with you and it's impossible to just sit and think when you have to think about how your hair looks or what people are thinking of you or what you should be doing instead of just writing. I mean, if I just went out to take pictures here like I did at home, I would get stared at, because there are always 50937454375 people around. Yes, the numbers changed since my last sentence. I think Spring just reminds me of home. Maybe that's all it is. The smells always make me think of the lake and summer's approach and fun times with friends and all of that wonderful stuff. I just have to remember that spring break is approaching and I can do all of that then, plus I can take pictures this weekend at grandmother's, because her house is lovely. I miss photography. Hopefully my summer internship will work out and I can do that alllll summer and get experience and become famous.

Gatdangit I'm out of it lately.
I need a break.
I miss Boy a lot.
I want hug timez.

Time

I have a very odd sense of time, or rather the passing of time. Like, sometimes I'll be laying in bed for forever, or more literally an hour, with full consiousness but I think about it for a second and convince myself that I was really out of it or between sleep and awake and that doesn't really count in the realm of staying up way too late accidentally. Okay that didn't make sense but it did in my head. For instance, last night I couldn't sleep so I layed there for a while, perhaps 45 minutes, but I rolled over and told myself I really had been half asleep, even though clearly a minute earlier I was perfectly awake. I'm weird.

Also, a few new amazing songs:

• L.P. - Wasted
• Test Your Reflex - I'm Not Sorry
• New Soul - Yael Naim

Singing the Hit the Road Blues

I miss Boy a lot. Like a lot a lot. More than I have ever when I've come back, I think. I'm not sure whether it was the fact that I only got to see him once while I was home or if it's because we were really talkative and cuddley and wonderful last night and I really think this could work. Like, be a long-lasting deal. I mean, maybe it's too early to tell, since we have been hanging out since late November and still aren't dating, but it just feels right. I just realized last night that he is what I am looking for, pretty much, and that I don't currently feel the need to look for better options, like I have when I've dated other people. Like, I can't imagine someone better for me, and who is nice and cares a lot and who makes me laugh and plays wonderful music and gives good hugs and just smiles for the hell of it. Last night I had the best moment, when he was telling this joke about a whale and was making whale noises and I couldn't stop laughing because it was insane and adorable and endearing and odd and it was just the most natural laugh I've had in a long time. I didn't have to think about it or understand anything or think about the serious undertones, it was just pure and wonderful and for no particular reason at all. I don't know if I'm making sense, but it was how I felt. That's what I need, someone who I can have a serious discussion with, then can turn it around to silly, childish laughter. It was amazing. And we were all cuddly watching the movies and he kept getting closer and closer...it was just the best feeling in the world. When he was leaving, we stood on the porch talking for like ten minutes then he just hugged me for no reason, and we kept talking, then he did that funny movie thing where we were talking kind of close and he just leaned in and kissed me. God I'm a giggly schoolgirl I swear. But really, I miss him...and it sucks.

zomgsters.

Again, sorry for the lack of update. I'm a lameface.

This weekend was nice...Suze stayed with us Friday, and we ate tasty Mexican food and saw Sarah's amazing play and made tasty cupcakes until 1 AM. Saturday I played in the pep band for the women's basketball game, which was intense (double overtime...we won). I then saw my friends from high school, Ethan and Cameron, and had hug timez because they were at the indoor track invitationals here. Around 6, Schauble and her friend from High Point, Hannah, got to Chapel Hill, at which point we immediately headed to Franklin to see *zomg* Kimya Dawson. I wanted to stay longer, but even for the 20 minutes I was there, she was amazing. She seems so simply and childish but she just writes what she feels and what she wants the world to know and I think that's pretty awesome. I mean she just puts it out there, whether about child molestors or farts or love or anything. Just says it. I want to be her. Then, we ate tasty tasty pizza at Peppers and pretended to be sophisticated artsy kids at Starbucks, but as anyone who doesn't party knows, that's about where the fun ends on Franklin, unless you are vintage shopping or going to Cat's Cradle. But we weren't. We just ended up hanging out in the room and talking and catching up, which was nice and much-needed. Sunday morning we woke up and hit Ye Olde Waffle Shop and Johnny Tshirt (tourists much?! haha) for the benefit of the HPU kids. They left around 3:40, at which point I headed to a Vinyl Records meeting. I'm not going to ramble too much about it, in case I'm not good enough to hire haha, but they have a really awesome program starting for student artists. Verrry promising. Sunday night was spent doing a whole lot of nothing. Kind of like today. Except I did have really good days in both Econ and Art History. I lurrrve Art, it's so interesting to me, unlike...say....Spanish. And of course, Harry Potter trivia night was quite interesting/dorkalicious. Yes please.

I am rather excited about going home this weekend. I feel like it's not being too clingy or whatever to want to go home every couple of weeks, especially with Boy waiting there. He had a dream about me a couple of nights ago in which CH was under attack. We found each other in a record store, professed our undying love, then survived the monster's wrath. In celebration of our survival, we decided to take a road trip to Canadian water park. Yayyy best dream ever. I have decided I really like being dreamed about in these types of dreams, because it's the kind of dream you wake up from and, when you realize you can't just call and see the person, you get really sad and miss them. I am missed. By a wonderful Boy. His subconsious totttally wants me hahahaha. Do you ever wonder how people see you in their dreams? Like was my hair straight or curly? What was I wearing? What did I say? Was I funny or annoying? I'm so strange sometimes.

So, yeah.

...Dizzaym.

So I haven't blogged since the 20th which apparently is a big deal :] So now I is.

At least just to say everything is good and I'm awesome at procrastinating and all of that.

I miss Boy. I woke up from a dream about him this afternoon and it made me really sad because I can't see him for like...at least another week and a half. Damn. I needs a hug and cuddle times and a pretty boy. Mmm.

So yeah, more detailed later.

I'm Alive

So Boy and I just hung out and it was wonderful, like back to normal wonderful. After playing it extremely cool Friday by just being more friendly than more, he asked if I wanted to watch a movie or something, so we did tonight and he was more cuddley and all of that, which was exciting. And now I have to leave again.

Along those lines, I realllly don't want to go back tomorrow, simply because I have a paper that I haven't written and a bunch of homework waiting for my arrival. Ugh. But I do miss roommate <3333

No Snow, Just Rain

So my computer decided today would be a super day to stop working, so I now have a shitty loaner computer to add to my overall shitty day. Well, I shouldn't say that, it was just incredibly lackluster. SUUUPER lame. This morning I had to get up really early, which surprisingly didn't bother me until I sat down in recitation and the biggest headache just goes SHOOOOM and zapped itself right into my brainz. I couldn't think or anything, I just sort of mumbled. But I met a nice kid named Nick. Anyways, then I trekked through the icey rain to Carroll, where I facebooked and talked to mom about the snow I'm not experiencing in Hickory. That really helped my day. Sociology was boring but I wrote to keep myself awake. Lunch was good, Kelsey got her callback, Kristin looked like an adorable French child, etc etc, but I really just felt not myself. Like, out of it I guess. Then English was just boring and my professor is strict and I don't think she likes anyone at all and ughh. Even Bob Dylan Boy was not interesting today. Then I braved the icey air to come back to the room, only to find that once I was back in my room, my computer had died sometime in transit from Carroll to English. So I took that to ITS and they're like "1-2 Business days, battery died, blahblahblah." And now I'm back and nothing is going right and I think I need a nap but I have so much to do and I don't want to do anything except maybe have hug timez with my mom. Yes, it's that kind of day. Actually, hug timez with boy would be wonderful, too. I hadn't realized how much I miss him until today. Maybe knowing that I will see him tomorrow? But I sort of expect nothing but disappointment when I get back because it's complicated and that's annoying. Why can't anyone just be simple? Srsly.

Honest to Blog

So yeah, I realized yesterday that I hadn't blogged since Wednesday, which is slightly sad. Or maybe Thursday? No I'm pretty sure it was Wednesday. Oh well. Either way, not acceptable.

Not a lot has been going on, except I have been pretty social lately, which is makings me happy. Here's the week play-by-play, shortened for your ADD enjoyment.

Thursday: Good classes I suppose. Sociology actually holds my attention and everything really clicks, so hopefully that = A. English may prove to be a beast, because the professor is annoying, but the class itself is pretty cool. It's the only class I have that has a male majority, which kind of puts in that weekly testosterone amount, since my 99% of my friends here are female. Thursday night was my first Wesley experience, which I must say was an extremely positive one. I was pretty nervous because it's never fun to be the new kid in church, but they were all pretty cool and it helped to know at least a few people already. So yeah, that boosted my week, because that means new friends and Jesus timez.

Friday: Again, decent classes considering I have all of two from 8-10, then I'm done. Shitty quiz in Econ (cough70cough) but I'm over it. My awesome friend Alexandra sat with me, which helped things, and now we sit together in Spanish, too. She's pretty laid back, or so it seems, and definitely nice, so she has great friend potential. Friday night I went with Ash, Jess, Maeva, and Jaleesa to see Atonement. At first Maeva was all angry but somehow the depressing movie cheered her up, then Jessica was all sulky. But it's whatevs, we just left her alone. I ended up in Ash's room for like three hours afterwards, just talking with them, which was wonderful. Maeva was telling us about growing up in France and Ash was telling us about her Columbian roots and whatnot. I felt slightly uncultured but then again my family has pretty deep roots in American culture (my greatgrandparents were cotton farmers and my grandma grew up a southern belle in Charleston with military dances and all that), so we talked about that, too. I haven't felt too close to them lately, so bonding time was nice.

Saturday: Kristin and I watched the game at noon, then did absolutely nothing until Kelsey came over, at which point we journeyed to Bandido's. Mmm. After a while there, we headed to the St. A's Word On Your Arm party, which proved to be...interesting. I just wanted to go to check it out, to say I had at least given it a shot. Thankfully I had Kelsey as my soberfriend and we ended up sitting on a couch providing witty, thrilling commentary on the scene unveiling before our innocent little eyes. Kidding, but really it was pretty interesting. My personal favorite couple was Indoor/Outdoor Couple but Gay Boys In Underwear were fun, too. We ended up leaving after an hour and a half or so, but I can at least say I checked it out, now.

Sunday: Slept til forever, then Ye Olde Waffle Shopped with Kelsey and Kristin (K&K). Tasty stuff. After an enormous breakfast, we trekked to Time After Time for wonderful vintage shopping, but they ended up being closed. Fear not though, faithful readers, for we found giant microbes in the comic store that totally made up for a lack of fun clothing. After that adventure, I just chilled alllllll day. It was wonderful.

Today: Not terribly interesting, typical class stuff. And now I'm here, deciding whether or not to the econ study session tonight for extra credit. I have homework and a hall meeting, but I mean I could do that and go. We'll see.

Things with Boy are okay. Not great, not bad. I mean, he's all indecisive and unhappy with his life right now, which is perfectly okay except for the fact that I'm still sort of hanging around, unsure of how to handle it. Like, I want to make him happeh again, and I want him to be like "Oh Jordan I can't function without you okay let's date" but I don't know when that point will be. Like, he says part of the reason he hasn't made it official is because he is afraid of what it will do to whatever we are or were before we started talking and all of that. The thing is, though, if our whateverromance ends right now, it won't be emotion-free in any sense of the word. I will be a little upset, I must say. But I wouldn't be torn apart, and I can't decide if that's because I'm not terribly attached or because I'm overly-guarded. Either way, it sucks, and I don't know how to get out of this stage. Regardless, I will see him Friday, which is definitely exciting to me. Idk about him. But whatever.

So yeah I think maybe it should be homeworks time now.
<3

School Daze

So I realize I have lots to do, but I can't just rant about a breakdown and then leave you, my (two) faithful readers hanging :] Or, you know, when I look back in years I will be like "OMG WHAT HAPPENED?! AM I STILL IN THAT?! OH GOD." You know.

So after my mini-meltdown, I had a really hard time sleeping, but finally it happened and I awoke this morning in a wonderful mood. Why? I dunno. But everything just felt lifted. I like to think it was because I prayed about this semester, for the first time really, and God took care of it. I'm fairly sure that's it. Anyways, today was quite amazing, and I could dance. Maybe I will. Here's a play by play:
Spanish: Wow. Mi professora is insane. Her name is Encarni and she looks like a supermodel. She speaks superfast but I actually understood, surprisingly enough. My class is not terribly exciting, like the people in it are quite average, but I actually made friends. Well, a friend. We ended up talking for a bit about school and home (she's from California, woot) and whatnot, then realized we were walking the same direction due to the fact that...oh hey...we were in the next class together. This being-
Econ: Hmm, not sure what to think yet. The prof is strange but to-the-point and pretty funny. So hopefully it's not too bad. According to my friend Ethan it's a pretty easy course if you do the online crap. So whatevs.
Walking: This is quite strange. First off it's awesome because Kelsey and Hannah are in the same lecture, so I'm sure it will prove to be most exciting. The TA seems super apathetic about the class, plus he's from Canada, so it's a win win there. The actual lecture was pretty stupid because it was the same shit we've heard since, oh, birth. I did my typical Jordan deal and muttered sarcastic remarks under my breath, much to the amusement of the guy beside me, and got through it awake.
I then had lunch with Hannah, which was quite lovely.
Finally, I went to art history, which was pretty entertaining. Kasey and Amanda are in my class, which means I don't have to awkwardly sit, waiting for someone to sit next to me and make things even more awkward. The professor is pretty...stereotypical. She was very strange looking with a dress and silver crocodile boots and a librarian/curator bun. Ohhh geez.

Either way I iz happy girl again. :] Doesn't take much, does it?

...Damn.

I don't know what is wrong with me. Well, I do, but more on that when I'm not having a breakdown. Which brings me to my next point- I think I'm having a mini breakdown. I'm famous for having them at the most random times, and from last night to tonight is one of those. I am freaking out for no reason, about school and missing home and missing Boy and what Boy thinks of me and not fitting in and it's ridiculous because I am smart and boy likes me and I love my friends and school is okay, but my brain is caving in. Or shrinking. I can't think, I can't function, I can't have a single happy thought right now. What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm Alive

So I just returned from seeing Juno for the third time in three days. It's my new all-time favorite. Like, everytime I go I find more and more things to love about it. More quirks and funny lines and even just expressions that are amazing. Pre-Juno, I had lunch with the female half of Nerd Crew, which is always really nice. I feel...understood. I have realized though that no matter who click with, there is always a part left hanging out, a part that doesn't match. Like, with them it's my penchant for punk-esque culture and my love of live shows and mosh pits and screaming songs and whatnot. With Eric and the rest of Pitched White it's my cutesy "OMG HELLO KITTY AND CUTE CLOTHES" side, which comes out quite often I've found. With church friends it's my nerdy-ness, etc etc. I just think that that's why I get frustrated with not having a "best friend", because I have so many parts to me. But I think everyone does, and not everyone has trouble sticking with a few close friends. Either way, I think I need to not worry about those silly things so much.

In other news, tomorrow is my last day at home. I am excited and dreading it at the same time. I don't want to leave Boy but mostly I don't want to leave my confidence behind. I did that first semester, I left the awesome part of me in Hickory and this time, it's coming along. I could care less how un-Chapel Hill I look, or how intelligent everyone else is, or how sometimes I eat alone and walk with my iPod in just because I feel anti-social. I don't care. I want to take the part of me that knows who she is, who is excited about who she is. Yep. It's gonna be super.

:]

I Stand Resolute.

Delayed New Years resolutions:

1) Be my strange self, don't water it down
2) LIVE. Take at least five risks (label them in blog)
3) Meet wonderful people, they are nice to have around

Words spring to life

A poem I wrote forever ago. Well, really two poems that I just now decided I liked and should combine. Yeah.

Play.
Black and white memories flicker
Inconsequential, passing time.
Enter a boy, bursting with color
A vibrant flood of hues lights up
the once-dull scene.
Cue music, slow motion-
my smile, your gaze
Clear against a blur of details.
Black and white
Turned blues and golds
How is it that your touch
breathes color?
I see you smile,
You look away-
back to black.

Lonely Lonely Lonely Lonely Day

I just had the horrible realization that I have been single for an entire year. Well, "officially" single, obviously not alone (as of late). Ughh. An entire year! 365 days of singlehood! I mean I guess it's okay, because I've been free to do whatever, but it's still sad.

Maybe this is growing up, due to the fact that I haven't just settled?

Yeah.

Either way, BOY! is still here and that's wonderful.