Weird Moods

Also, I have the strangest moods. Most people are happy or sad or tired or whatever, no no mine are so strange.

Earlier this evening I had the overwhelming urge to just lay on my floor and stare at the ceiling in silence, just thinking, appreciating the moment. So I did. Like I didn't think about anything except being there on the floor, alone in my house, at home, not at school, not anywhere else. Exactly where I wanted to be in that moment.

And from like 9 til now tonight, all I've wanted to do was lie close to someone and talk about life and listen to music. Like not cuddle necessarily but just be close to someone who would appreciate the moment as much as I would.

What is up with me?

Music ramblings

So I know I blog a lot about music lately, instead of my personal life, but whatever it's my blog. Haha. Either way I had this cool realization driving home tongiht...

There are exactly two bands in the entire world that instantly make me feel safe and comforted, like I am home. Both Brand New and Alkaline Trio immediately just take me to this place and I don't know how to explain it, but a few stories kind of explain it.

First, when I was at the Brand New show last November, I just looked at Jesse (the frontman) and couldn't stop thinking about how he had written all the lyrics that were forever engrained in my mind, that got me through high school and now college and just life in general. Just seeing him in person and knowing they came from his mind, it was incredible. I want someone to look at me that way sometime. So yeah, any Brand New song I hear just hits home, every time.

Second, I was listening to Say Anything, a new favorite band of mine, and heard a song entitled "About Falling." After the random guitar solo, a voice came in and immediately I knew who it was--Matt Skiba of Alkaline Trio. Then I couldnt stop listening to it, I just put it on repeat. His voice, though usually singing about violent things and love gone wrong, is just uplifting to me.

I sound so dorky. My bad.

Still

So I found a journal from last summer's Jesus Camp and in it was this poem, so yeah.

Still.
No flickering memories
No to-do's
No inner monologue.
Just
you.
Still.
I find peace
I find comfort
I find refuge.
You
and I,
Still.

This has been my downfall as of late, I don't stop.

So Contagious - Acceptance

Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously

Musicology.

Okay so I've just realized/affirmed I have seasonal music tastes. So now I feel compelled to describe/document them.

Spring: Indie-esque, light with maybe a hint of country twang. Something about the idea of lying in the grass, feeling the air change from frigid to toasty makes me crave home, hence the mildly folksy influence.
Examples (of past years and as of late):

• Same In Any Language- I Nine
• Don't I Hold You - Wheat
• Wagon Wheel - Old Crow Medicine Show
• Don't Feel Like Dancing - Scissor Sisters
• In This Life - Chantal Kreviazuk
• Upside Down - Jack Johnson
• Dry the Rain - The Beta Band
• Like a Rolling Stone - Bob Dylan

Summer: Happy pop-punk, unquestionably. Anything with driving power chords, a good backbeat, and catchy lyrics pretty much have me hooked. But for summer nights, I tend to go for acoustic, light stuff.

• Island in the Sun - Weezer
• Smoothie King - Bowling for Soup
• Sally - Hot Vegas
• New American Classic - Taking Back Sunday
• Chapstick, Chapped Lips, and Things Like Chemistry - Relient K
• About Falling - Say Anything
• Say Anything - Cartel (ha weird)
• The Ponytail Parade - Emery
• Let It Out - The Hombres
• We Intertwined - The Hush Sound
• Diamonds and Guns - The Transplants
• I Will Follow You Into the Dark - Death Cab for Cutie

Fall: Chill, pensive music for the changing weather. Definitely acoustic, for the most part. But then I also have this weird hardcore streak where I want all my music to be violent as well, so who knows. Probably something to do with school being in session again haha.

• A Lack of Color - Death Cab for Cutie
• Strawberry Fields Forever - The Beatles
• Okay I Believe You But My Tommy Gun Don't - Brand New
• The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice
• The World at Large - Modest Mouse
• Wrecking Hotel Rooms - MxPx
• Every Thug Needs a Lady - Alkaline Trio
• Donner Party (All Night) - Alkaline Trio
• Play Crack the Sky - Brand New

Winter: Winter is the strange one, I'm not entirely sure what I listen to in winter. It varies from one year to the next, like the Go Fish of musical selection. Anyways, here are some from years past, maybe you can make more sense of it.

• Almost Easy - Avenged Sevenfold
• Goodbye Blues - Tyler Burkum
• Tire Swing - Kimya Dawson
• Soul to Squeeze - Red Hot Chili Peppers
• All of Your Love - HelloGoodbye

So yeah anyways, that was really long. But fulfulling.

Ramblingzzz.

So, I am ridiculously happy and relaxed, considering it is Tuesday of the week my HUGEOMGOMG paper is due, which is the week before my other huge paper and speech are due. And two weeks before exams. Oh geez cross out the relaxed. Okay I will, hang on. Just kidding you can't with this program. Whatever.

Wow I have absolutely nothing to discuss here. Also, I'm a tiny bit ADD right now.

Boy and I are offically through, except I dunno if he knows that yet. But we are. He decided to not go to college after he was accepted to App and after he knew he could get scholarship money and all of that. Why? Because he's moving into a house to be in a band that most likely, after a year or so, will not be that big of a deal. And that's when I realized, he can't commit to anything. Not college, not one band, not me, not even his friends. And I'm not even saying I want commitment right now, just...something kind of stable-ish. More than anything, though, I want to not have to wonder how he feels all the time, because that's just dumb. If he cared at all, he would tell me. And honestly, if he asked me, I could proudly say I have no feelings for him. I mean I'll be his friend, but other than that...just no.

So yeah now it's bedtimez.
:]

Almost Lover

So last night's church lock-in was probably the best night I've had in a while, just because it felt SO much like old times. I haven't talked to Jake much since the whole thing with Eric, because I was working on moving on from the whatever relationship we had going on. Since I don't think I've discussed this before on the blog, here's a tiny background:

Jake and I have gone to church together for forever and in our junior year, became really good friends through a mutual lovelovelove of music and good movies and other random things. But mostly music. So we got closer and closer that year, especially during the trips to Canada, the beach, and to ski, and we shared a common "Isle of Cool," which included Jake, Colby, and I, plus Patrick eventually. By the time we went to DC last summer, we were what most would call inseperable on trips (come to find out people (since the original bonding junior year) had literally been betting on when we would date). I sort of got caught up in everything and fell for him pretty hard, but Jake is a strange character. He doesn't show emotion, like, ever, which is okay sometimes because whiney boys are not terribly attractive to me, but then it just gets overwhelming when he NEVER answers anything seriously. Anyways, on the DC trip we got really really close and throughout the trip (and the subsequent hangouts) he was hardcore flirting with me, which is disturbing because he doesn't do stuff like that, so like an idiot I got my hopes up. But then Jesus Camp came around and he acted like the whole summer had never happened. I couldn't get the visual of us sitting close on the bus listening to any one of our many, many signature Jake/Jordan songs out of my head for months and he completely ignored me for the most part. So I kept talking to him until about November, when Eric happened, and since then I've seen him a couple times at church and stuff, but I haven't talked to him on a weekly basis by any stretch. Okay that wasn't a tiny history, sorry, but you now know the whole story. Kind of. Anyways, moving on.

I asked Jake to go last night and, after much prodding, he agreed, so I was kind of curious as to how it would be with us-- same as always? different because we hadn't talked? idk. So I went and immediately realized nottttthing had changed. We sat together on the bus and he was back to his usual anti-Jordan talk that really means he thinks I am awesome. Also we were remembering all the times he had been really super mean to me and he remembered far more than I did, including the bus-to-DC body checking (hockey reference), which is a very very obvious attempt to get closer to me. I remember this summer, he pinned me against the window at least 10 times and got really close and I pretended to hate it but instead loveloveloved it...but I digress. Anyways, he started that up again which was funny, and we hung out pretty much the whole time at the gymnastics place and while bowling. I'd forgotten how funny he is and often we dance and how confident I feel around him...strange. Then after said bowling trip, we headed back to the church and had a little free time, so we jammed--Jake on acoustic guitar and me on acoustic bass. He taught me "House of the Rising Sun" and we played the entiiire thing (and it's super long). Seth and Wilson looked over at us, smiling and Wilson was like, "Wow, you guys are exactly like those kids from Juno. Only Jordan's not pregnant." Hahahaha. But anyways I took that as a compliment, because the Juno/Bleaker romance is one to be admired, and apparently we are a lot like that. Now that I think of it we kind of are, only he is way more sarcastic than Bleaker...and I'm not preggerrrrs. But anyways I kept seeing people look at us and kind of say something to the person beside them and I couldn't help but feel like they were telling them the Epic of Jordan and Jake, about how everyone knew we should date except us or whatever. Maybe they weren't, but it DEFINITELY looked that way. Post-jam session (I also jammed with a 15 year old kid who knew sooo many of the songs I knew...weird), we played games and watched Drop Dead Gorgeous/Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

The moral of the story? I do not, in fact, want to date Jake. This may seem strange after all this talk of he and I, but I've realized it is so much better with us just going back and forth, trying to catch the other's interest, kidding around. That's the reason it's gone on so long-- it's so entertaining, it's addicting. So yeah, I will never date Jake, but it is rather fun trying to win his affection. I'm so lame.

Also, I left out a lot of the good stuff about how I bonded with Seth, Wilson, and this random kid who I think called himself Rocket. Wtf? Whatevs, he was nice and he kept following me around. So yeah I got more accomplished at the lock-in than flirtage, but a girl's gotta have blog priorities :) And today James and I hung out, making me remember why we are such great friends. He is crrrazy. The yin to my yang.

I need more than two hours of sleep. Also- GO HEELS.

Totally pointless

Okay so I have nothing to blog about but since I haven't even attempted for a while, I suppose I should. Umm, yeah.

So my sleep patterns have been messed up lately by intruiging conversation, and while I neeeeed sleep, I think it's worth it. Also, found lots of new bands lately! Amazingamazing.

In other news, talked to boy a little more lately I guess, still nowhere near as much as we've talked in the past few months, but whatever. Its not intentional on either end, I think, we are just busy/ADD/whatever and honestly I was/am just bored. I don't want to talk about Gates of Assyria or the free candy you got because you found a sweet vending machine in the mall. Really, I don't. Let's talk about something substantial, plz? Ahhh.

Yeah honestly I have nothing to blog about. I should read for sociology. Since it's offically my second major.