Academiaaaa

Something about academic excellence just makes school sooooo much better. Mmmm. The only bad thing is-- I now have to write a beast of an art paper, since I can't drop it. Grrreat. But whatevs, I am not a total failure!

Just a note

"Don't let anyone tell you differently: The only good thing about Duke is that it's 15 minutes from Chapel Hill."-Tucker Max

What a smart, smart man. Don't know Tucker yet? www.tuckermax.com should enlighten you.

Neon Wilderness

Dear Larkin,
Since I am allowing you access to my blog in exchange for your journal (which no doubt is more honest and heartfelt, but I think that just says a lot about your personality vs. mine), I thought I'd just put this as a precursor for your reading: you can't take anything I write here superseriously. I mean it's serious but these are the mountains and valleys, you know? Usually you get the watered down versions of whatever I go through and experience, but this is straight up how I feel when I'm feeling it. So yeah.

PS- Your journal was probably the best thing ever, to read. Both amusing and full of emotion and honesty and funny sidenotes. You are much better at journaling than I am and you just started Sunday. Jerk. Anytime I am having a bad day, that's where I'm turning. Thanks :]
PPS- That was not a mindgame.

...what?

It's really strange...after spending all weekend with Boy, I woke up this morning feeling strangely incomplete. Like, there was something missing and I couldn't fix it. Weird. And frustrating.

Best. Weekend. Ever.

I am happy. School work is a cesspool of average grades right now, but I honestly could care less because I am happy. This most likely has something to do with seeing four of the greatest comics of our era in one show last night and laughing my ass off. But mostly it's the fact that from 2 AM-11:30 AM I was lying in the arms of a certain wonderful Boy who gives me butterflies and looks at me and smiles and plays guitar just for me and strokes my hair when I can't fall asleep and who imagines, even though we're in a dorm room on the first floor in a bed big enough for .75 of a real person, that we are stargazing under an enormous blanket of stars. Mmmm. Best night ever, no question. Also, he was going to go to Brevard tonight to visit our friend Phil (who is kind of a douchetool now and deals drugs, but whatevs), so I left his house at 11, then I got home and he called and he was like "Yeah so I decided not to go after all, because I would much rather hang out with you. Can you come back over?" hahah <3 Yayyy. Right now he's like "I mean I can't believe we saw Ron Burgandy in front of our faces! And the show was just half of the amazingness!" :]

In other news- my Kristinbear is a trooper for little kids! Yayyyy Kristinbear <3

I'm Still Discontented Down Here

I am not going to write much, due to the fact that I am so tired I may in fact pass out in the process of writing this, but I guess I need to vent/ramble.

I feel like, lately, nothing is a perfect fit. At school, I miss home like crazy. At home, I miss school. Well that's not true, I miss school friends. Either way home is not exactly right either. I guess it occured to me while watching Garden State with Boy, when Zach Braff's character talks about how everyone is homesick for an imaginary place. It's so true. I mean when I'm at school, I think of home as being wonderful and simple and everything I need, but in reality it's very average and, though I love seeing my family, I am not completely happy. At home, I see school as this place of discovery, of being a college kid, of experiencing new and different things, when really all I am is trapped in my room, stressing over things that, this time next year, won't even matter. I hate it. I hate not being content with anywhere. It's not fair that I don't ever feel completely comfortable. I was so excited, last year, to go to college and not be trapped in Hickory, to be able to hang out with people whenever and wherever I wanted, to be responsible for myself, to find culture and excitement that Hickory is sorely lacking. Instead I see the same places everyday, see the same people (not friends, that's always welcome, but strangers) with the same clothes and the same opinions everyday, and I feel the same overwhelming feeling of discontent every morning when I wake up and realize it's just another day exactly like yesterday, where I go through the motions and do my best to get by. I don't want that.

Then again, who really knows what they want?

Sorry for my bad mood. These things happen.

This Valentine's Day I love

my sociology professor for cancelling class. So, here we have it:

Dear Mike(y),
You are currently my Valentine for saving me from your terribly boring 1.5 hour class. Though you provided no explanation in your email as to why you did not want to see my lovely face today, I am sure it is because you wanted me to be happy today. And because of you, I am. Also because I'm going to see stand up tonight. And because Lewis Black will be here today, tomorrow, and Saturday. And because I'm going to Franklin after English today. And because I finished my 1661 word English paper last night and think I might have pwned it. But mostly, Mikey, it's all because of you.
Love, Jordan

Sadly, though, I simply cannot love everyone today. My PTNL (People to not love) list is currently as follows:
Da Vinci, Georgionne, Titian, or any other Renaissance painter that I have had to read about for the past hour and a half. You were good, but not that good.
Adam Smith for founding economics
Al Gore for inventing global warming (which apparently is a good paper topic)
Lifetime Fitness for giving an exam Monday. So what if I don't know what kind of muscular injuries can occur after rigorous activity? I know that if you eat too much and don't excercise you will not be healthy. What more do you want from me?

I think that's all for now.
Yes, that's all.
♥

Shoe Collections. Yeah.

Upon request, a documentation of my Converse collection, for Kbear:
Black high top
Black low top
Navy high top
Denim high top
Red low top
Pink low top
Royal blue low top
Gray low top
Gray with pink One Stars
Green fake chucks

and in addition, my growing Vans collection:
Black
Blue & green polka dots
Black & white stripes
Carolina blue & white trippy pattern
Green & tan argyle (fake)
Black & red (fake)

Get Wasted on Love

It's 11:11! I have caught 11:11 SO many times in the last two weeks. For three days I caught every single 11:11, which was borderline scary, because that's a lot of wishes. It was always the same wish, though, so maybe it's just super effective. Yes. That's it.

Boy has been pretty boyfriendly lately, which makes meh happy. I mean, he has always been slightly boyfriendly, but its the way he says things now, and the way he asks what time classes are over and the way he myspace messages me when we can't talk at night and most importantly the way he was really disappointed yesterday when he realized Thursday was Valentines Day and I wouldn't be home until Friday. I mean, if he just saw us as slightly more than friends, I don't think he would've acknowledged it as clearly as he did. So yay. We've decided to make our own holiday on Friday though, because we're way too awesome for just regular ole Valentines Day.

I actually hate Valentines Day, and I think this girl from band, Lizi, hit the nail on the head with her post the other day. Valentines Day makes romantic love seem like the only valuable love out there, when the love of family and friends and (most importantly) God is so much more long-lasting and so much more valuable in the long run. Boyfriends will pass with time, at our age anyways, but the other loving people in our lives will most likely be there forever. It's something to think about, anyway.

So now its time for my weekly do nothing day of Freakonomics and sleep. YAY!

Screw clear, scientific writing. I want to ramble.

I have the strangest craving to go home, and not because classes are overwhelming (they are) and not because this campus gets so old so fast (it does) and not because I want to see Boy (I do), but just to drive. Like, with no real purpose, though when I'm home I typically blame it on an intense craving for Sonic or a sudden urge to take pictures. I just like to drive and think and sing and I miss it. Also, because it's so Spring-like and wonderful outside, I really want to go down to the lake. Only, there is no lake. Only the Dean Dome. I guess I never really acknowledge my love of nature and being alone and just being creative before I came to school. There is no nature unless you're on the quad and there are like 59834759345 other people out with you and it's impossible to just sit and think when you have to think about how your hair looks or what people are thinking of you or what you should be doing instead of just writing. I mean, if I just went out to take pictures here like I did at home, I would get stared at, because there are always 50937454375 people around. Yes, the numbers changed since my last sentence. I think Spring just reminds me of home. Maybe that's all it is. The smells always make me think of the lake and summer's approach and fun times with friends and all of that wonderful stuff. I just have to remember that spring break is approaching and I can do all of that then, plus I can take pictures this weekend at grandmother's, because her house is lovely. I miss photography. Hopefully my summer internship will work out and I can do that alllll summer and get experience and become famous.

Gatdangit I'm out of it lately.
I need a break.
I miss Boy a lot.
I want hug timez.

Time

I have a very odd sense of time, or rather the passing of time. Like, sometimes I'll be laying in bed for forever, or more literally an hour, with full consiousness but I think about it for a second and convince myself that I was really out of it or between sleep and awake and that doesn't really count in the realm of staying up way too late accidentally. Okay that didn't make sense but it did in my head. For instance, last night I couldn't sleep so I layed there for a while, perhaps 45 minutes, but I rolled over and told myself I really had been half asleep, even though clearly a minute earlier I was perfectly awake. I'm weird.

Also, a few new amazing songs:

• L.P. - Wasted
• Test Your Reflex - I'm Not Sorry
• New Soul - Yael Naim

Singing the Hit the Road Blues

I miss Boy a lot. Like a lot a lot. More than I have ever when I've come back, I think. I'm not sure whether it was the fact that I only got to see him once while I was home or if it's because we were really talkative and cuddley and wonderful last night and I really think this could work. Like, be a long-lasting deal. I mean, maybe it's too early to tell, since we have been hanging out since late November and still aren't dating, but it just feels right. I just realized last night that he is what I am looking for, pretty much, and that I don't currently feel the need to look for better options, like I have when I've dated other people. Like, I can't imagine someone better for me, and who is nice and cares a lot and who makes me laugh and plays wonderful music and gives good hugs and just smiles for the hell of it. Last night I had the best moment, when he was telling this joke about a whale and was making whale noises and I couldn't stop laughing because it was insane and adorable and endearing and odd and it was just the most natural laugh I've had in a long time. I didn't have to think about it or understand anything or think about the serious undertones, it was just pure and wonderful and for no particular reason at all. I don't know if I'm making sense, but it was how I felt. That's what I need, someone who I can have a serious discussion with, then can turn it around to silly, childish laughter. It was amazing. And we were all cuddly watching the movies and he kept getting closer and closer...it was just the best feeling in the world. When he was leaving, we stood on the porch talking for like ten minutes then he just hugged me for no reason, and we kept talking, then he did that funny movie thing where we were talking kind of close and he just leaned in and kissed me. God I'm a giggly schoolgirl I swear. But really, I miss him...and it sucks.