I am not going to write much, due to the fact that I am so tired I may in fact pass out in the process of writing this, but I guess I need to vent/ramble.
I feel like, lately, nothing is a perfect fit. At school, I miss home like crazy. At home, I miss school. Well that's not true, I miss school friends. Either way home is not exactly right either. I guess it occured to me while watching Garden State with Boy, when Zach Braff's character talks about how everyone is homesick for an imaginary place. It's so true. I mean when I'm at school, I think of home as being wonderful and simple and everything I need, but in reality it's very average and, though I love seeing my family, I am not completely happy. At home, I see school as this place of discovery, of being a college kid, of experiencing new and different things, when really all I am is trapped in my room, stressing over things that, this time next year, won't even matter. I hate it. I hate not being content with anywhere. It's not fair that I don't ever feel completely comfortable. I was so excited, last year, to go to college and not be trapped in Hickory, to be able to hang out with people whenever and wherever I wanted, to be responsible for myself, to find culture and excitement that Hickory is sorely lacking. Instead I see the same places everyday, see the same people (not friends, that's always welcome, but strangers) with the same clothes and the same opinions everyday, and I feel the same overwhelming feeling of discontent every morning when I wake up and realize it's just another day exactly like yesterday, where I go through the motions and do my best to get by. I don't want that.
Then again, who really knows what they want?
Sorry for my bad mood. These things happen.
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